The world is a big bad place and the pandemic made it clear that not all human interaction is good interaction. I can’t believe there was a time I’d see between 50 to 100 people in a day and be good with all of it. I think the thing I most looked forward to about being an adult when I was younger was the element of choice. The choice to be yourself. The choice of who you will associate with, who you will share the good and the bad with and all that. The choice to be authentic. So I always get a bit confused when I meet people who choose to be anything but authentic. And of course I know adulthood wasn’t all it was cut out to be and the element of choice is often impeded by one’s livelihood or career. I do feel like I have a lot more choice now than I did then.
Let me explain. I feel like I spent a lot of my youth dumbing myself down for fear that I would be labelled an extreme I didn’t want or I couldn’t live up to. But as I grew into my independence, I wanted to be myself 100% of the time and the world will adapt. Of course it helps I’m a fairly amicable person but I particularly love the ability to have and articulate ideas that venture from the norm. But the world is what it is, a big bad place with big bad principles that have existed since before you did. So generally, the world won’t adapt fast enough; you just need to care less about it. That starts with a safe place.
A safe place is not just a place where your physical being and earthly possessions are secure. In this case, it’s a place to express yourself, to relieve pain, to heal; to be mentally and emotionally secure as well. We find we are more exposed to mental and emotional insecurities in our adulthood than we are to physical ones. Like it’s more likely you’ll be depressed at home alone than someone will break into your home and beat you up, you know? One sounds worse than other but they’re all traumatic just in different ways.
A safe place isn’t just a physical location. It’s more of a feeling that allows you to be your most authentic self. It could be a place, a person or a group of people, a song, a book, a movie, literally anything. It’s that feeling you get when you realise I can be myself here. Full full. No judgy Judy’s, no petty patty’s just love. I felt that after a long time this past weekend at the Havendwel Gardens. And this doesn’t mean I don’t feel safe anywhere else it was just… Let me explain.
I’ve been to Havendwel Gardens thrice now. It’s a lovely tiny home built out of reclaimed containers and curated to the T by one of my now close friends, Nyambura Ndiba. The place radiates love and warmth in the windy Githiga countryside. Surrounded by beautiful tea farms and greenery, the drive up itself is so calming enough to make you forget all the issues of Nairobi. It helps that it’s only an hour from Nairobi. The elated feeling of walking up to the tiny house after a hard day, ready to spend the weekend loving on my people. I don’t even know how I didn’t cry. I was beyond excited. From the moment Bestie Brown suggested the getaway, I was beaming with ecstasy!
Around 2019, me and my big mouth were labelled the planner of the group. So it was such a relief that the Delectable Miss Suki and Bestie Brown took that up. All I had to do was show up, fashionably late preferably LOL. Joke was on me. I was the first one there. 🤦🏾 The weekend started with a “Thank God for your life” moment when a drunken lorry driver decided to ram into the carriage carrying most of our guests and all the food. Thank God, everyone made it out in one piece. 🤗
Havendwel isn’t just a safe space cause it’s filled with trinkets to settle the energy and surrounded by breathtaking greenery. It’s also the crop of people who are drawn there. Every visit to this little hidden gem exposes things about me to myself that I am otherwise too occupied to notice. It’s the way we all crowd around the fire when it gets cold and tell stories or break out into spontaneous karaoke and twerk sessions. A place where we hug more than once in an hour and verbally articulate we love each other cause goddamit we do!
Have you ever been in a room listening to someone talk crazy? 😂😂😂 I mean like patriarchal nonsense crazy. Like I’m a deadbeat dad with a justification for that shit crazy. And still you’re secure cause you’re not the only one in the room who is offended. Matter of fact, the crazy things look rightfully crazy. That’s what Nyambura has curated in her Queendom! A safe space not just for your physical being but for your feminist leaning mindset. Cause I’ve attended gatherings where normal principles and morals are up for debate and that is by far the most frustrating thing. So when you’re in a room of like minded thinkers doing nothing but loving and uplifting each other for a whole weekend; that is a safe place. Don’t forget to be yourself in that space.
No one deserves the 100% authentic you more than those people. Those people that love you and uplift you even when it’s hard to love yourself. Those people who try their best to reach out even when you’re being cold. Those are your people. And as much as it may seem selfish to share the dark times, remember these people love you; the good, the bad and the ugly. Because they love you full full. Never forget to appreciate the people who make up your safe space. ☺️
In the same breathe, I’d like to thank my people with all my heart being my people in a way so deep that I can’t explain. The ones I spent the weekend with and even those I didn’t. I love you. I appreciate you. FULL FULL! ❤️
EMMboldened 