Why are we still confused about consent?

It’s 2021, a post ‘me too’ world. As a feminist, the onset of the me too movement was long overdue to me back in 2016. A nice loud step for the rest of the world to follow. More than three years later, it’s still being discussed as a new concept we haven’t completely adapted. The sentiment of “it’s dangerous to be a man in these times” is something that comes up repeatedly. I know you’ve heard it from someone around you or you even think if yourself. I find it a bit confusing and honestly to me, it’s just enabling rapists.

Here’s why. It’s more than strange, it’s concerning that some men view the requirement of consent as a new obligation never required of them before. It’s the implication that the existence of this platform women now have to seek justice for their abuse would serve only to validate false claims and every woman is out to get you or your fellow man. It’s the way men are quick to highlight so loudly claims proven to false while keeping wildly silent about those claims that have been proven to be true. It’s the way men still think we look good for their benefit so feel the need to sexualise us without our permission. It’s the way men pretend that the surfacing of these me too stories is a threat to them personally while in the same breath claim not to be rapists. It’s men telling each other “Be safe bro!” in regard to a movement against rapists not men. You confused too? I am.

I don’t know about you but personally, I don’t believe in preaching to the oppressors about my pain in order to gain their support in justice. I know I’m not the only one. It’s the reason why most women don’t report domestic violence and sexual harrasment; immediately or for some ever. It’s a double ordeal to have an injustice committed against you then to be further dragged through the mud when you come out with your story. It’s a brave woman’s route for sure just not every brave woman’s route. Sometimes it’s brave to heal. Sometimes it’s brave to move away and move on. We are not entitled to continuously ask women why they didn’t report or why they came forward months or years later. We need to stop telling people they’ve handled their trauma the wrong way. Just because they didn’t present the response you’d deem appropriate doesn’t invalidate that these things actually happened to them. That’s why we believe survivors until disproven or at least protect them from more harrasment for coming out with their stories.

As I end this particularly short rant, I want us to remind ourselves that great change is preceded by chaos. The discomfort men are feeling finally learning about consent shouldn’t be a reason to abandon the concept. It’s not that crazy guys. Literally DON’T BE RAPEY! It’s that simple. Stop walking around acting like women are out to get you. That empowerment of women does not mean the downfall of the man. Just the downfall of the rapist and his enablers. Women have been unsafe and uncomfortable for years! Not even years, decades! Sexual abuse has been used to break women’s spirits around the world for centuries; colonialism, slavery, human trafficking et effing cetera. How does that compare to you keeping your hands to yourself? Honestly! How are you still confused about consent!